Monday, October 5, 2009

Live-Blogging Brett Bowl I

6:58: We're up and live from the Comfy Couch in my apartment for Monday Night Football featuring the Packers and the Brett Favres! Wait, they're playing other people than Favre? I'm sorry--ESPN led me to believe that he was taking them on singlehandedly. My bad.

I've never been so excited/scared for a game at the same time in my life. I'll be updating this at the end of every quarter, so feel free to check in. Also, I'll be on AOL Instant Messenger (same screen name: BaseballGuyCAA) so if you have any questions, comments, or just want to see your name in print on teh Intarwebz, shoot me a message. Or alternately, drop a comment. It's all good.

Disclaimer: In the event that the Vikings run away with this one, I will be getting absolutely TANKED. Expect fourth-quarter posts to reflect this, and adjust your expectations accordingly. This could be a good thing or a bad thing.

Back after the first quarter.

Updated 7:04 PM

7:13 Any time your head coach's name is mentioned in the same breath as "press charges," that's not a good sign. Raiders fans, I'm talking about you.

7:18 Just had a five-minute conversation with Future Roommate Kyle about the half-dozen couches he can provide for our house next year. Most of them are missing various appendages. In a related story, my girlfriend was bartered into doing the dishes since I made her lasagna. The sink is overflowing. Welcome to college, folks.

7:19 ESPN just showed a Favre montage featuring the Super Bowl, the Freeman Overtime Catch, the Dad Game, and the Mile High Miracle. Four of the greatest sports moments of my life. Time to start drinking faster.


7:20 First Adrian Peterson mention of the night. Is there any time we can remember that someone who was sure to become the X-Factor in the game was paid so little attention? Seriously.


7:22 Just was presented with a mountain of evidence that Jared Allen is one of the elite DEs in the league. In a related story, Allen Barbre is a founding member of the Ahmad Carroll All-Stars. Again, time to start drinking faster.


7:24 The crew is openly rooting for someone to lead-pipe Jared Allen's knee. Ladies and gentlemen, your 2009 Green Bay Packers offensive line!

7:27 Snickers CHOMPionship < anything involving Patrick Chewing. Most underrated ad campaign ever.

7:28 YES! Matt Millen just took Minnesota! Gotta love when the guy who singlehandedly DESTROYED the Lions' franchise is going against you.

7:29 Christ, Chris Berman looks old in HD. The entire country but Wisconsin is taking the Vikings, save for Wisconsin. Gotta love it. We've totally go the "NOBODY BELIEVED IN US!" Principle going for us right now.

7:32 Beer #1 never stood a chance. And the game hasn't even started yet. Get ready for a bumpy ride.

7:35 Just had this exchange: Sami: Is that really what TV looked like when we were growing up? Kyle: Yep. Sami: Damn. That sucks.

7:41 FOOTBALL! FOOTBALL! FOOTBALL!

7:43 Steady dose of Ryan Grant early. He looks good, though the same can't be said about our line. He had to juke about 3 guys to get back to the line on the first play. Not a good omen.

7:45 Rodgers has been hurried on every play. Couple screen passes early, couple misdirection runs. "We have NO confidence in our blocking."--Mike McCarthy (Okay, he never said that. But he might as well with that game plan)

7:46 Slo-mo replay of Allen Barbre getting worked by Jared Allen. Followed by a first-down to Jennings. God, I hope we can keep this up. We're running a house-of-cards offense right now. 7:48 3rd and 7... Jermichael Finley wide open! We're moving!

7:49 And... we're not. First sack, Rodgers coughs it up, and the promising drive is over. Jesus Christ, we need a new offensive line. So bad. So, so bad. 7:52 Back from commercial, and Mike McCarthy is challenging what was obviously a fumble. He's secretly the most overrated coach in the league. He had one good year, and has since been just brutal. Yet nobody seems to realize this yet.

7:57 "That's three big penalties on Green Bay already." The last one was taunting on Brandon Chillar after Peterson gained 5 yards. Have I mentioned that I need to start drinking faster?

8:00 Stopped 'em short on the WR Screen on 3rd down! And they're going for it. HUGE play already.

8:01 4th & 1, and the Packers are stacking the line... ...and Peterson gets it. Big surprise there. What's his percentage on 3rd or 4th and short? 95%? Better?

8:03 Favre to Shiancoe on the play-action for the touchdown. Almost three beers down, and it's looking like a long night. We couldn't stop them for shit.

8:10 TOUCHDOWN TO JERMICHAEL FINLEY! GREAT THROW BY RODGERS ON THE RUN, GREAT DOWNFIELD BLOCK BY DRIVER, AND WE'RE TIED! FUCK YES! I CAN'T STOP TYPING IN CAPS!

8:17 Percy Harvin slips after breaking a few tackles in the backfield. Third and long... Farve's gotta make it happen now. Good situation for us. And sure enough, he bounces a checkdown pass. Packer fans everywhere just smiled.

8:19 First quarter over. 7-7, Packers driving. Three and some change beers down. See ya guys at halftime.

8:24 Fourth and three. Kick the 53-yard field goal. And we're going for it.

HOLY SHIT OMGOMGOMG LUCKY CATCH OFF THE DEFLECTION!

Seriously though, how do you go for that? With our line? Do you trust them in any way to either protect Rodgers or get 3 yards of push? I sure don't. Glad it worked out, but that doesn't make it a good call.

(That being said... Greg Jennings is awesome. Great catch, they just showed the replay.)

8:26 Antoine Winfield jumps the route and picks off Rodgers. Second turnover on the day. Devastating turn of events. The good news is we're moving the ball. The bad news is they're forcing turnovers, and we're not.

8:32 Back from commercial, and I just broke the seal. This will make the remainder of this blog about 250% more challenging.

8:33 Tramon Williams falls down, Sidney Rice turns it into a big gain. These kinds of things don't happen to championship teams. Just saying.

And again, Peterson is bottled up at the line, only to escape and gain 10 yards. I hate to admit it, but this guy is really, really, REALLY, fucking good. I'm just waiting on the karmic ACL tear. Remember, this guy was hurt for half of his college career.

8:35 "Penalties are killing us tonight"--My girlfriend. Yeah, that just happened. It's that obvious.

8:39 3rd & long... Favre forces it into coverage... Touchdown. God damn it. Two years ago, that was picked off.

8:42 Just had an argument about the new Vince Vaughn movie. Bob's friend (I haven't learned her name yet) wants to see it badly. Me and Bob think it's gonna blow. She argues that it has Vince Vaughn. I counter by stating that "I love Will Ferrell, but I wouldn't see Kicking & Screaming again if... you dragged me kicking & screaming"

8:45 The girls living below us can hear us screaming. Great success.

8:47 Rodgers sacked on 3rd down by about 4 different guys. We suck across the line on the line. It's been official for a while.

8:50 Just had a discussion about the infamous Man vs. Colin video. Tyler, since I know you're reading, this one is for you.

HOLY SHIT CLAY MATTHEWS WITH A STRIP-6! "That JUST happened!"--Everyone here. All at the same time.

God damn, that was one of the most awesome plays I have ever seen. And I say that completely objectively.

8:52 Just saw this graphic: Peterson: 15 fumbles since 2007 (most in league). Followed by a discussion on how he fumbles so much because he doesn't go down right away. The lesson, as always? Most statistics mean absolutely dick.

Whatever. We're in this game. I'm happy.

8:54 Favre goes deep, overthrows Berrian. A familiar sight. He's not nearly as accurate as he used to, and people seem to forget that.

8:56 Lots of risky Favre throws, none picked off yet. Patience, son. Patience.

8:59 Big play on the screen to Peterson. The pass to the HB is the most underrated one in the whole playbook. You're taking your best speed/agility combo guy and giving him the ball in the open field... and teams don't do this more often? Doesn't make sense to me

This is followed by another long throw to a wide-open WR over the middle. Harvin this time. I'm wondering how we haven't picked any of these off yet.

9:00 AND THERE WE GO! PICKED OFF IN THE ENDZONE!

Flag on the play... Not good.

Two fouls on the defense. Alleged pass interference. Replay shows a very, very questionable call. We're giving up penalties and penalties, but a lot of them are not our fault. Just sayin'

9:01 Touchdown, Vikings. Shady penalty on the turnover, followed by a touchdown. I want to kill the entire officiating crew right now.

9:09 Last play of the half... Hail Mary... and Rodgers is running for his life... incomplete.

Halftime. See you after the 3rd.

9:24 MORE FOOTBALL! MORE FOOTBALL! MORE FOOTBALL!!!

9:26 3rd & 1... Peterson gets it again. It's such a huge point in your offense's favor to have someone like him.

Just finished beer #6... Need to speed this process up.

9:29 Watching Favre actually hurts tonight. He's flashing back to his prime. Every deep throw is on target, he's showing balls in the pocket...

Touchdown to Berrian. Where the fuck did this come from? It's like Bizarro 1997... only Favre is wearing a Vikings jersey.

9:33 Great return by Jordy Nelson wiped out by a holding penalty. Beer #7 is disappearing fast. And rightfully so.

9:35 That last burp registered on the Richter scale.

9:36 Rodgers sacked again by Allen. This is getting ugly.

9:37 Beer #7 is gone. Ten minutes. At this rate, we're not gonna make it to the end of the game.

9:38 If I don't make it to the end of the game, and anyone from ESPN is reading this, can you pull some strings and get "BaseballGuyCAA--Out--Alcohol Poisoning" on the injury report from this game? It'd make my day.

9:39 Crossing route to Driver goes for a big gain. We need about 20 more of those, and we're in good shape.

9:41 Driver with another big catch. He wants this game more than anyone else on the field.

9:42 Screen down to the 6. Rodgers is hurried on every play. I wish we could see some stats on this. Has any team this good ever had such a bad line?

9:44 I have to pee so fucking bad, but I don't want to miss this.

9:45 3rd and Goal from the 1-inch line... play action... stopped for a loss. 4th and Goal from the 1. Go for it. You have to.

9:46 ANY other team in all of football, I would say go for a QB sneak here. But I have NO faith in our offensive line. None at all.

Kyle just suggested running the Maryland I with our FBs and running Grant power up the middle. We have no line, so rely on our FBs. I don't know. I have no confidence in us in short-yardage situations. And this is not a good thing.

And here's our game right here. 4th and 1... and we have no line.

9:48 Here we go...

Dropped in the end zone by Donald Lee. I'm speechless.

9:51 Brett Favre is beating us on Monday night. Anyone know the name of a good heroin dealer in Oshkosh? I don't think anyone would blame me at this point.

9:53 It's time for a good old-fashioned Oshkosh riot. Fuck it. After this abortion of a game, why not?

Third quarter over... Back after the game. Maybe.

10:00 Really regret making that comment right now... just so everyone knows, I have no intention of starting a heroin addiction tonight. Beer is enough for me. And I have my reasons to NEVER try heroin. But those are more sad than funny, so they will not be repeated here.

10:02 Stopped them short on 3rd down. About time. Now, we need a good return and a score.

10:05 Colledge is down. As if our offensive line wasn't bad enough already.

10:08 From Facebook... this is so true

Eddie Dwyer thinks we should just put the sleds out instead of an offensive line. High probability that it blocks better.

10:09 4th and 1... and we punt it. Two scores down, 11 minutes left in the game. We HAVE to make something happen. Terrible call. Play to fucking win at this point. Who gives a fuck about keeping the margin of defeat down? The Football Gods will not smile upon this. Guarantee the Vikings win at this point.

10:13 3rd and 12... here comes Favre for the first down.

Chester Taylor stopped a yard short of the first down. And the Vikings have the balls to go for it. And that's why they will win this game.

Again, I am speeding up my drinking.

10:14 Nevermind, the punt team is coming on. Can the Football Gods smite both teams? Is this even possible?

10:15 Punt downed at the 1. Fuck my life.

10:17 "Split backs... this is new... I like it!"--Kyle

Followed by Ryan Grant barely getting out of the endzone before Antoine Winfield posterizes him. It's been that kind of night.

"Grant tries to get out... he barely gets out"--ESPN announcing team. I am at the breaking point.

10:19 Rodgers fumbles out of the endzone. I never thought I would say this, but I would take the safety. Time to drink myself into oblivion.

10:20 Mike McCarthy is challenging it. We're challenging... and we're going to win... to give them a safety.

This is the state of this game right now.

10:22 Sami just got this text from our friend Brooke: "Standing outside in the rain. Fire alarm went off. Fuck the dorms."

Everyone here agrees that my apartment is a godsend.

AIM comment from Tyler, one of my best friends from high school:
kcisgonnagetyou (10:22:48 PM): gruden and jaworski need to get off favres dick
kcisgonnagetyou (10:23:09 PM): im convinced they were smoking his cock last night because the things they are saying are insanely stupid

He's got a good point.

10:23 We win the challenge, and give up the safety. Technically, this is a good thing. I'm trying to see the bright side. Mostly, I'm trying to drink until I don't care that Brett Favre just beat us on Monday night.

10:29 Punt out of bounds inside the 5. This is just ugly.

10:30 Graphic shows that Rodgers has been sacked 7 times tonight. I don't even have a joke anymore.

10:31 Another big gain to Jermichael Finley, who is the only bright spot in this game so far. Followed by Rodgers scrambling for the first down. Thanks to his turnovers, my fantasy team won't come back to win. But the big thing... I don't care about that anymore. I just want to see us come back and win this game. At all costs.

10:32 "Greg Jennings hasn't caught a ball in at least 2 quarters" Obvious foreshadowing? I hope so.

(I stand coreccted. Jermichael Finley.. and Clay Matthews have earned my respect today. My bad.)

10:33 Jordy Nelson for the touchdown. If we get the 2... we've got a shot. Kind of. I should be way more excited.

10:34 Just checked... my fantasy team is down 3 points. I closed the window. I don't want to think about that right now. I honestly don't care about that right now. Let's get the two.

10:35 Rodgers shovel pass falls incomplete. "Rodgers continues to take a beating here." Again, has any contender ever had this kind of awful line ever? "I love how he tries to shovel pass it there... that's what happens when you sit behind Brett for three years"--Kyle. Well said.

10:37 Onside kick... and the Vikings have it. Good time for another good comment from Facebook:

Joey Matel im all for spending every single draft pick on o-lineman

Again, just recognizing my friends' good points.

10:40 Favre hits Berrian deep... out of bounds. And I misspelled Berrian at first. Good sign if I'm trying to forget this game.

10:41 Jordy Nelson muffs it... pile... Packer ball. *Exhales*

10:42 Donald Driver just tied the Packer career reception record. I'd care more if we weren't losing to Brett Favre on Monday night.

1o:43 After another failed typing attempt (10:43 looked like 10>>>43 for a second) Rodgers hits a deep gain to James Jones. We need two scores, and we have no timeouts. Greatest day in my life if we come back to win. I'm not optimistic with our line.

10:46 Two minute drill. Only we need to score twice, instead of once.

10:47 Grant takes the screen, gets the first, and gets out of bounds. Smart play. And I amost spelled bounds "bownds"

Rodgers sacked again. We're fucked. We can't block anyone. How the FUCK do you give up 8 sacks?

10:48 WHY ARE WE WASTING TIME AT THE LINE?!

10:49 Field goal good. Onside kick and a touchdown and w'ere good. Ok?

10:50 Sidney Rice recovers the kick. Great onside kick by Crosby, but a great play by Rice to recover it. Ugh.

Game over. Fuck my life. Time to drink until I can't feel feelings anymore.

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