Thursday, April 22, 2010

In Defense of Ben

In case you didn't hear, Ben Roethlisberger will be unavailable to Pittsburgh for a minimum of 4 games for being falsely accused of a crime.  A few of the first thoughts to pop into my head as a result of this:

-If you can still get decent odds on Baltimore to win the division, jump on it.  You know, if gambling is legal where you live.
-There is no right answer when your quarterback choices for at least 25% of the season are Byron Leftwich, Dennis Dixon, or Charlie Batch.  Only varying degrees of wrong.
-Ben is suspended, Santonio Holmes is a Jet, and Willie Parker is a Redskin.  At the time of Super Bowl XLIII, those three were the core of Pittsburgh's offense--and 26, 24, and 28 respectively.  And while Parker was a little past being "young," he had very little mileage on the odometer.  That's the lookings of a five-year dynasty right there, at least.  Two years later?  Ruined.

And most importantly?

-This suspension is complete and utter bullshit.

And here lies the heart of the issue.  If you are male, and the word "rape" is even mentioned in the same breath as your name, you are utterly fucked.  Even if you win, you lose.  In Ben's case, it has happened twice.  Two different women have come forward and accused him of raping them.  Neither time led to a charge.

As a 21-year-old who has been in college for three years and can best be described as a "seasoned veteran of the party scene," I consider myself somewhat of an authority on this kind of situation--because it is hardly uncommon.  From the police report, it seems that Roethlisberger and the girl in question were both drunk as hell, and decided to bang in the bathroom of the club.  Ben's bodyguards stood guard outside--according to the accuser, they were there to make sure the rape went uninterrupted.  But let's be real here--a bathroom is a very public place, and the last thing that you want when you're mid-coitus is a door to fly open and a horrified bystander to come in.  So if you've got the resources to make sure that doesn't happen--like, say, a couple large guys whose job it is to do just that--you're gonna exploit that.  And he did.  Nothing wrong with that.

But here's the thing about 20-year-old girls--while there are certainly more than a few who are intelligent, emotionally stable, high-quality women already, the majority (at least that I've had dealings with) are fucked up in some way or another.  And it's far more common than you'd think for them to be total attention whores--especially the ones in the "party girl" crowd.  As a wise man once said to me, "Girls don't go out looking to have a few drinks, then go home alone."  Reports indicated that Ben's accuser was wearing a nametag that said "DTF."  (For those of you scratching your head right now, that is a common abbreviation for "down to fuck.")  Is this a woman who could potentially be raped?  Yes.  Is this a woman who could potentially drink herself to the point of having consensual sex that she would later regret, or at least pretend to regret in order to keep up appearances?  Yes.  Statistically speaking, which one is more likely to happen?  From experience, I can safely say that it's the latter.

The problem is, the line between the two is often blurred, especially for women.  Men are simply a different species.  We are far more blunt and brutally honest with our friends than women are.  If a man gets drunk and hooks up with someone he knows he shouldn't have, his friends laugh at him.  And rightfully so--he fucked up, did something stupid, and the laughter allows him to realize this and not fuck up next time, or so you'd hope.  But it sure as hell works a lot better than the way that women handle these things.  Publicly, they sympathize--behind closed doors, they judge.  It's happened with friends of mine a couple different times.  Girl gets blackout drunk, girl hooks up with a sketchy guy that her alcohol-addled brain fell in love with, girl wakes up sober and realizes she fucked up, girl claims rape to keep herself from looking like a dumb, drunk panty-dropper.

And why not?  The way our society and legal system are set up, it's to her advantage to play this way.  As soon as the word "rape" is thrown out there, she is instantly shielded from judgment by the protective cloth of "victim."  She's not a drunken slut--she is an innocent girl who just happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time.  And it doesn't even matter if the rape claim holds up or not--by the time that happens, it's yesterday's news and she can escape the judgment of her peers.

Furthermore, crying rape can make legal sense.  On most college campuses, a woman who comes forward claiming to be raped is immune to being charged with underage drinking.  In theory, this allows more victims to come forward, since they won't get in trouble.  In practice, this leads to more false claims, since it makes a rape accusation a veritable get-out-of-jail-free card.  Roethlisberger's one-night stand (I refuse to call her a "victim") was 20 years old.  I do not support the current drinking age in any way, shape, or form--but if you're going to have it, and you're going to have a rape accusation loophole, you BETTER FUCKING MAKE SURE YOU CLOSE THAT LOOPHOLE AS SOON AS "RAPE" IS THROWN OUT OF THE EQUATION.  In every case I've seen personally, the girl claiming rape was underage.  In every case, the girl in question was drunk as shit.  In every case, the girl in question was not ticketed for underage drinking.  In the case of Roethlisberger's one-night stand, this also held steady.  Diversion successful.

Look, don't get me wrong.  I'm not defending rape.  Rape is awful--right up there with torture, war, and Michael Bay movies in the category of "Really shitty things in life that everyone would be a hell of a lot happier if we just did away with."  True rapists are sick fucks, and deserve to have their cocks burned off with the most painful acid available.  But that's the other awful part of the casual false accusations--by falsely crying rape to save your own hide, you are crying wolf for your entire gender.  If someone is really raped, now not only do they have to deal with the hell that their life has become as a result, but they have to deal with their peers second-guessing them behind their backs, questioning whether it really happened.  And in no way is that alright.

And here's the problem--you don't even need to be convicted of rape in order for it to fuck up your life.  Even in being accused of it, you are stigmatized for life.  Look at Roethlisberger.  He does not have a criminal record.  He is not married, and has no family.  He had every right to do what he did.  If the Steelers want to renegotiate a contract with a "no partying" clause, that's up to them--but as it stands, he didn't do a fucking thing wrong.  What he did is what every other male ages 18-30 has done, and what most of them do on a regular basis--capitalize on a generation of women who are historically DTF.  In his case, she was even wearing a fucking nametag advertising it.  Yet the NFL is suspending him (a suspension which will cost him $3 million, by the way), the media is vilifying him, and pretty much everyone is backlashing out at him with a furor.

Here's the thing.  It's clear that something's gotta give for Ben.  Fool me once, shame on you.  Fool me twice, shame on me.  Clearly he didn't learn his lesson earlier--that dumb, drunk panty-droppers will do anything, including ruining you personally and professionally, to avoid be branded as such; and that when the man in the case is an NFL superduperstar, you also get famous on top of that!  If he isn't a total retard, he'll stop putting himself in those situations.  Or at least take a page out of Dave Chappelle's book and make one of his bodyguards carry around a folder of Love Contracts.
Chappelle's Show
Love Contract
www.comedycentral.com
Buy Chappelle's Show DVDsBlack ComedyTrue Hollywood Story
But he doesn't deserve to be suspended, or turned into the White Michael Vick.  It's not an issue of race.  Vick savagely tortured and murdered living beings; Donte Stallworth killed another human while driving drunk; Rae Carruth killed the mother of his unborn child; Pacman Jones... well, the less said about him the better.  The fact that these men all happened to be black is a moot point--they all did heinous things that were deserving of punishment.  Roethlisberger is a different beast.  In fact, the closest comparison to this case does not come from the NFL.  Pretty much the same thing happened to Kobe Bryant in 2003.  And Kobe had a wife and a baby daughter at the time.  And Kobe's case came far closer to actually going to trial.  Yet he wasn't suspended, or punshed in any way by the league.

And that's the way this should have gone.  Indeed, Ben has some lessons to learn.  But suspending him not only does nothing to help those lessons be learned, it validates the acceptance of false rape accusations in our culture.  The NFL had a chance to stand up and score a symbolic victory for falsely-accused men everywhere.  Instead, they chose to punt on fourth and short.

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Random Thoughts: 4/20/10

So I just realized... since the foundation of Somewhere Over Dwayne Bowe, this is probably the longest I have gone without an update of some kind, thanks to a perfect storm of school business, other business, attempting to find a real job for this summer (NOTE: If you love this blog enough that you want daily updates, and are willing to sign a contract to pay me several hundred dollars a week to do it, my inbox is awaiting your inquiry), and doing it all while fighting off both a sinus infection and mono.  No, I did not up and ragequit after my bracket beatdown, though I'm sure nobody would've blamed me.

So there's a lot going on in this crazy little world.  Here's my take.

Baseball, or "Jesus Fuck, the Brewers' bullpen is a pile of shit"

What needs to be said that hasn't already been said in the headline?  Trevor Hoffman is surviving on craftiness and luck at this point, his stuff wouldn't land him a job on most AA teams if he auditioned anonymously.  LaTroy Hawkins is one step closer to being an overpaid game-choker for every team in the Midwest.  The team ERA is 6.06.  I know it's not even a month into the season, but again: 6.06!  Yes, it's that bad.  There is absoultely zero chance that this team is still alive come September unless something changes drastically.  Either the guys we have need to stop fucking up, or we need to replace them with guys who will.

That being said, I have been thoroughly enjoying the Casey McGehee era.  His .378 BABIP implies that his numbers will soon return somewhat to scale, but he looks like a legit .300-25-75 guy at this point.  Thanks, Cubbies!

On the fantasy front: my one-year team, Phillips her Pujols, is sitting in second place despite a jaw-dropping rash of injuries.  Casualties to this point include: Brandon Webb, JP Howell, Huston Street, Lance Berkman, Aaron Hill, and Jimmy Rollins.  Again, it is April 20th.  Thankfully, waiver-wire stopgap Vernon Wells has put together another monster April for one of my teams.  It seems to be an April tradition in the Greendale Alumni League--like the July tradition of me acquiring Mark Teixera for 70 cents on the dollar.  My first-year dynasty team, Byrnes When I Peavy, is two games over .500 and looking like a trip to the playoffs might be possible once Berkman and Conor Jackson return, and I am no longer forced to play Ty Wigginton at first base.  And the less said about my second-year dynasty team, Snakes on John Maine, the better.  After collapsing in the last two weeks of the season to choke away a playoff start, the Snakes sit in 14th out of 18 teams.  Derek Jeter's continued dominance, Delmon Young's early breakout, and injury returns from Rickie Weeks, Shaun Marcum, and Ben Sheets have done little to douse the putridity that Prince Fielder, Jason Bay, Ichiro, and pretty much my entire pitching staff have been emitting.

Basketball, or "LeBron and Kobe warm up for their inevitable showdown"
Back in March, when I was home for break, I caught a Bucks game, and got the chance to have a few beers afterwards with Dan Hoelzl, one of the head guys of Squad 6.  He's an awesome guy, knows the game EXTREMELY well, and is a passionate-as-all-hell fan.  I traded e-mails with him, and planned to do an interview for the playoffs.  Then Andrew Bogut's arm snapped, everyone settled into "We'll make the playoffs but do jack shit once we're there" mode, and the state's attention moved on to the Brewers.  I can still hit him up for a postseason interview if you guys would like--let me know through the comments.  Also, potential questions that you'd like to see one of the organizers of Squad 6 answer.

Who do I like in the playoffs?  Let's break it down.
West
1. Lakers over 8. Hijackers in 6
I don't see Durant taking the car keys to the West from Kobe quite yet.  But I do see the Hijackers stealing a couple games, getting some legit attention, and getting necessary playoff mileage from this.

2. Dallas over 7. San Antonio in 6
The more talented team will win, but the Spurs will find a way to make them work for it.  Don't be surprised to see a pooped-out Dallas get shellacked in the second round by...

3. Phoenix over 6. Portland in 5
Steve Nash in possibly his best season, the re-animated corpse of Amare Stoudemire... if anyone is gonna knock off the Lakers, this is it.

5. Utah over 4. Denver in 5
The fact that Chauncey Billups seems hell-bent on taking the big shots instead of Carmelo absolutely kills this team.  In a "Mike Brown coaching the Cavs into the ground the past two years" way.  If Billups can realize that, this one might go deeper, and Denver might be able to save it.

East
1. Cleveland over 8. Chicago in 4
Headline on the Bulls' team website: "Chicago goes down 2-0 to Cavs, but might have a plan."  Might?  That's the best you got?

2. Orlando over 7. Charlotte in 4
"Dwight Howard over Emeka Okafor" now looks REALLY smart in hindsight.

3. Atlanta over 6. Milwaukee in 5
Game 1: the Bucks got 34 points from Brandon Jennings, and still lost by 10.  I can see Jennings and Salmons both getting hot to carry one win, or an abnormally bad night from Joe Johnson and Josh Smith, but that's about it.  No way this one goes more than 6 deep.

5. Miami over 4. Boston in 7
The Celts are a beaten team.  Just watch them--they want the season to be over now.  And I'll let you fill in your own punchline about Rasheed Wallace scoring on his own basket here.  Better yet, here's the video:

And on that mention of 'Sheed, I hope you all have a happy 4/20.