FAQ

This was last updated on 4/22/10

Are you a real person?
Such a complex question, I have to break it down by part:

"Are you a"
Simply a qualifying phrase, identifying this statement as a question.  Since this is my blog, I will take the liberty of assuming that you're referring to me when you say "you."  If not, please feel free to notify me and I will fix it up in a jiffy.

"Real"
Hmm, let's see.  Wasn't it Voltaire who said "I drink, therefore I am?"  Or something along those lines?  If that's the qualifier, it's quite clear that I exist.  If you are not convinced, feel free to volunteer for me to punch you in the face--if my fist is not solid, it would follow that I must not be real.

"Person"
Let's see... Mom was a human, Dad was a human.  As follows, I am clearly a human.  Or, "person," if you will

So, in short?  Yes.

Are you a robot?
Kind of a spin-off of the first question.  I'm made of flesh, blood, organ matter, and there's allegedly a brain in there somewhere.  No metal, no fiberglass, no semiconductors--hell, everything that is in me has been there since birth, save for the BBQ Chicken sandwich I had for lunch.  I've had one surgery in my life, and that was to take something potentially cancerous out, not to put anything in.

When did you start this blog?
I direct you to the post that started it all.  Timestamp? August 18, 2009.  So there ya go.

How long have you been blogging?
The seemingly obvious answer would be "Take today's date, subtract the answer to the above question, and there you go."  But it's not that simple.  I did dabble in it a little bit back in high school.  However, most of what I wrote sucked balls, so it didn't catch on and I deleted it.  The few posts that were worth saving have been archived in my published Notes on my Facebook page.  If you're my Facebook friend and you really, really need an insight into my 15-year-old mind that bad, go ahead and read them--it's what they are there for.  If you're not my Facebook friend, I'm assuming it's because you suck at life or are a cop.

(Seriously, I'm not that selective.  I'm that guy who accepts any friend request that isn't blatantly a spambot.  So if I'm not accepting you, something must be seriously wrong with you.  Might want to get on that, Skippy.)

Can you link me to those saved posts from your old blog?
No.  I'm re-publishing a lot of my old work for Pioneer Outlook--though in a heavily edited, look-back way--mostly because that stuff had potential.  Pretty much everything I wrote about then was directed at how much high school sucked, how much I hated high school, and (in hindsight) how retarded I was at that age.  Again, if you feel that your life is less fulfilled as a result of not reading this shit, find it yourself.  Otherwise, it should be quite obvious that I'm not going to make the crap easily accessible.  There's a reason that Ford didn't do a "50 Years: A Look Back At The Edsel" ad campaign.

Why did you start blogging?
Pure, unadulterated boredom.  Like, "classic nor'easter meets classic sou'wester" Perfect Storm-level boredom.  Allow me to elaborate.

I'll take you back to the summer of 2009.  Since I go to a university that has far too much dorm space, I had just finished up my required second year of imprisonment in the dorms.  I had no summer living in Oshkosh, and no job.  Conversely, I had my parents' house and a summer job waiting tables at Applebees back in Greendale.  While I despised living at home for the summer, comfort was taken in that this was going to be the last time ever.

Unfortunately, the summer of 2009 was marked by one of the shittiest economies that humanity has ever seen.  Thus, my summer waiting gig was still there, but it was not what it once was.  Gone were the 40-hour work weeks, the busy nights of high-tipping customers, the co-workers willing to give away shifts like they were parking tickets, and the awesomeness that is overtime pay.  In it's place was a top-down corporate policy that no manager was to let any hourly employee so much as sniff overtime under penalty of waterboarding and co-workers desperate for hours.  With it came barely-20-hour work weeks, with those hours taking place mostly in the early afternoon.

So we've established my almost limitless store of free time.  Here's the kicker: all of my best friends from back home were a year older than me.  The majority of them lived near their respective campuses year-round.  My poker buddies were a year younger, and my pot-smoking buddies were two years younger.  So, predictably, I played a ton of poker and smoked a ton of pot that summer.  Productive, I know.

That being said, as unproductive as I was being, I still felt bad about it.  Like I really should be doing something more with my time.  This ended up manifesting itself in two ways.  First, I briefly attempted an acting career, as I auditioned for a role in an online sitcom and made it to the final audition.  Second, I wanted to start a sports blog.  In fact, it was something that I had wanted to do ever since I left the Advance-Titan, only I never really had a reason to start it other than "Hey, here's my blog, enjoy!"  Then, the Brett Favre thing happened, and it just clicked.  I logged on, registered on Blogger, and the rest is history.

Do you get paid to write this?
Yes and no.  No, I am not paid for my content.  Yes, I do make money if you click on the Adsense ads on my page.  No, I do not make much money off of it.  Yes, I would love to do this for a living some day.  Yes, you should hit me up if you have a solution to this conundrum.

Do you play any sports?
I played baseball up through high school, including two years of Varsity.  I played football up through JV.  And though I haven't played orgainzed basketball since grade school, I play pickup all the time and I'm not half bad.  That being said, I was not blessed with the physical gifts needed to play competitively beyond the high school level, or the time needed to play recreationally, at least not in any organized fashion.

Do you like sammiches?
Fuck yes.  Sammiches may not be Earth's most perfect food, but they sure as fuck are it's most efficient.  The sammich is the representation of the optimal combination of deliciousness, adaptability, and easiness.  They taste good.  There are literally thousands of different combinations of bread, spread, cheese, and meat that you can make.  And yet making one rarely takes more than five minutes of preparation.

Are you gay?
No, though I have no problem with you if you are.  Homophobes have no grasp of market theory.

What's your favorite beer?
Depending on the mood I'm in, I have a few of them.  Guinness is always a great choice.  New Glarus's Spotted Cow is just fucking sublime.  And if it's summer and you don't have much money, you can't go wrong with a Corona and lime.  Though, since I'm a broke college student, I drink way more Keystone than I should.

Do you have any pets?
Growing up, I had two cats.  Then, I found out I was allergic to cats and dogs, though our two cats never really bothered me for some reason.  Then, the cats died.  I've been without a pet for ten years, though I'm currently trying to convince my girlfriend that we should buy a puppy.

Do your real-life friends know about your blog?
Hell yes, and they're largely the reason that it's still alive.  I've had friends who know next to nothing about sports tell me how much they loved reading it.  I've had friends who know sports greet me by validating or debating a claim that I made in my latest post.  One of my best real-life friends linked to me on RealGM, leading to an influx of several hundred clicks in a span of hours.  That's probably the biggest difference between now and 5 years ago--back then, I quit and nobody gave a shit.  Now, if I quit, I know that I'll be letting real, tangible people down--and a few of them are some of my best friends.  It's a great thing to have going, really.  So though I may shut things down for periods due to other constraints, you can always count on me to bounce back.