Somewhere Over Dwayne Bowe presents The Your Name Here NFL Power Rankings: Week 3 Edition (Part II)

Back like I forgot somethin'--and I did: 14 whole teams. The 14 best teams, actually.

The Flawed Contenders
14. Chicago
Their defense is walking on eggshells without Urlacher. They were outplayed across the board by Seattle--more yards, more first downs, same turnovers, TOP within a minute. A week earlier, they survived merely because of two Jeff Reed field goals. Suffice to say I'm not impressed. Matt Forte has led them in rushing each of the three weeks--55, 29, and 66 yards. Dismal.

13. New England
Tom Brady is still in his "Ricky Bobby after the flaming wreck where he's scared to go faster than 26 MPH" phase. All of New England is waiting for him to shift out of third gear. In the meantime, their defense is average, their rushing attack is mediocre, and their coach is 57 years old. It doesn't bode well. '07 was supposed to be the crowning year of the Pats dynasty--only it didn't happen that way. Now? I don't see it getting back to that level anytime soon.

12. Dallas
Completely screwed because Tony Romo is Karl Malone in a football helmet. New rule: in order to be considered a truly elite players, you must learn to control the yips in big games. Peyton Manning was like this early in his career, too, and he has become the best assassin in the league. So there's hope. But I'll have to see it before I can trust Romo.

Also, they are still coached by Wade Phillips. I would be 250% more confident in their chances if he wasn't prominently involved. Between him and Romo, I simply can't trust them in big-time close games. It counts for a lot.

11. Green Bay
The downside is they can't block anyone and if they can't get pressure and force turnovers they are going to get blasted in the face to the tune of 30+ points. The upside is they have arguably the best receiving corps in the league, a young, big-time QB, and when the defense CAN get pressure and force turnovers they are among the best in the league. They can beat anyone in the league, but they can also lose to anyone. If you are a football gambler, the Packers scare the living shit out of you, and rightfully so.

That being said, they are 2-1, and their only loss came to a team who it now seems is far better than originally thought. So let's not be too harsh just yet.

The Dark Horses
10. San Diego
There is nothing really wrong with this team, other than the fact that their coach is Norv Turner. They're a top 5 team with a anyone competent at the helm, easily. Dallas is close, too. The upside to this? Come playoff time, you have the opportunity to bet against these coaches. You know, if gambling were legal.

9. Atlanta
Let the record show that I approve. I love Matt Ryan, I love Michael Turner, I love three more games against Jake Delhomme or Whoever The Hell Is Replacing Byron Leftwich. They still manage to schedule a ton of tough teams, however: after this week's bye, it's San Fran, Chicago, Dallas, New Orleans. Gut check time. Five weeks from now, they'll either be in the top four or around 15-ish.

The Winston Wolf Memorial "Let's Not Start Sucking Each Other's Dicks Yet" Division
8. NY Jets
Let's get it out of the way: they are for real. Sanchez is playing at a pro level. The defense is a lot better than people give them credit for. This is a playoff team. They're not the world-beaters that a lot of the media are making them out to be, though--Sanchez still hasn't played a tough game against a hostile crowd, they have no rushing game (but most of the league seems to fall in that category so far), and Chansi Stuckey should not be starting for a contender, period. That being said, in this putrid season, they're going to be playing in January. Just probably not deep into January.

7. Minnesota
Great. Another week of the media fellating Brett Favre. They were supposed to start 3-0 against their schedule. Tough to place them because they've played two teams from the Bradford division, and San Fran played them VERY tough. Are the Niners better than we thought, or are the Vikings worse? We find out this week.

The McLovin Memorial "Who The Fuck Invited These Guys To The Party?" Division
6. Cincinnati
Yes, you're reading this right. They're the luckiest play this side of the Immaculate Reception away from being 3-0. They just hung up 14 4th-quarter points to come back and stun the defending Super Bowl champs. A week before that, they throttled the Packers in Green Bay. Believe. The defense is better than it was a year ago--that's average, at best, but it's good enough in this league. Carson Palmer is healthy again, and it's easy to forget how consistent he is. And Cedric Benson is either taking HGH or is actually able to play away from the pressure of being the Bears' savior at running back. He hasn't looked this good since college. And the Bengals haven't looked this good, well, ever.

5. Denver
Through three games, they've allowed 16 points. They've got the Cowboys, Patriots and Chargers in a row coming up. They didn't let the Bradford Division play with them. Now can they keep it up against real competition?

The Old Reliables
4. NY Giants
3. Indianapolis
Remarkably similar teams. A proven quarterback named Manning. A good, but not outstanding, rushing attack. Unproven receiver corps. Proven offensive lines. Indy's defense is a little bit better, they have the better Manning, and they have one proven WR, where as NY is starting fresh this year. So they get the nod for #3 this week.

The Emerging Dynasty
2. Baltimore
The Ravens are going to go down as the team of the early part of the '10s--kinda like the Rams were in the '00s, the Cowboys in the '90s, etc. Mark my words. They've had one of the top defenses in the league for almost a decade running. And they have easily the best young crop of offensive talent in the league. Joe Flacco is for real. Ray Rice is electric. Michael Clayton is ready to be the Holt to Flacco's Warner. That's the long-term nucleus in Baltimore. In the meantime, Willis McGahee is a stud, as well. The defense doesn't dominate quite like it used to, but they're putting up points in bunches.

The Creme De La Creme
1. New Orleans
If Baltimore owns the early part of the next decade, the Saints own this year. They stick to my NFL Mediocrity Theory--in a year in which the entire league seems mediocre, take the team who does one thing very well, better than anybody else in the league, to win it all. Last year, I said it was basically a toss-up between Tennessee and Pittsburgh--two methodical offenses who survived because their defenses were just stifling. And Pittsburgh won. In 2001, Baltimore won with Trent Dilfer--Trent Dilfer!--as their quarterback, simply because their defense was better than anything anyone else could throw at them. Ditto for the Buccaneers in 2003. And the Rams in 2000, whose offense was just unstoppable.

The result of the salary cap and the heavy push towards parity in the NFL is that, fairly frequently, you get a league full of teams ranging from "putrid" to "good." It's not hard to be putrid if you're too stupid to know what you're doing (see Millen, Matt). It's VERY, VERY hard in the current NFL to be any better than "good" for an extended period of time. As a result, you see seasons like this one, in which there is no marquee team. Let's break it down:

New Orleans--can't play defense
Baltimore--too inexperienced, defense is aging
Indianapolis--suspect defense, inexperienced WRs, no depth
NY Giants--Manning is the only skill guy on offense I'd put above "role player"
Denver--quarterbacked by Kyle Orton and his "Hand That Rocks The Cradle" beard, head coach is 33 years old
Cincinnati--they're the fucking Bengals, do I need to go into specifics about why you should doubt them?
Minnesota--QB is 40 and interception-prone, WRs are inexperienced, average defense
NY Jets--rookie QB (never a good sign for a playoff run), no dominant rushing attack to take the focus off of said rookie QB
Atlanta--too inexperienced
San Diego--coached by Norv Turner
Green Bay--can't block anyone, defense is inconsistent
Dallas--QB disappears in the clutch, coached by Wade Phillips
New England--QB coming off of major knee surgery, defense is not as good as you think it is, zero rushing game
Chicago--no WRs, defensive captain is on IR

That's my top 14, and if you read just that list, it might as well be my bottom 14. There is no clear-cut favorite this year. Which is why I looooove me some Saints.

Before you bash me for anointing them Super Bowl champions already, answer me this: who is going to stop them? There is not a defense in the league that can keep Drew Brees in check. With the way he's spreading the ball around, you can't key on any one receiver. And you still have to account for Reggie Bush after that. They're the early-decade Rams. They look unstoppable. So might as well go with it.