The Ahmad Carroll All-Stars, Part I

Let's skip the pleasantries. If you watched the Packer-Bengal game, you will nod your head in agreement. But this is what I commented on my friend's Facebook status after the game...

"Allen Barbre might be the most visibly bad Packer to get regular playing time since Ahmad Carroll... I honestly expect him to give up a sack every time Rodgers drops back."

Basically, it got me to thinking. This kind of thing is uncommon enough that it deserves a special mention. And just because I'm singling out Barbre, who has gotten posterized two weeks in a row, doesn't mean that the rest of the line is off the hook. They all looked bad--and with Chad Clifton gone, improvement is hardly looking imminent.

But as always, that got me to thinking. How uncommon is this? How many players can we think of who fit this category--that they are so bad that you actually expect them to fail every time the action comes near them? The name for this fraternity of failure stems from the first player to jump to mind: Ahmad Carroll.

If you don't follow the Packers carefully, it's excusable to have a quizzical look on your face right now. Carroll was a cornerback, and you tend to forget the bad corners who don't play for you. But if they play for you, you remember. And Ahmad Carroll might have been the worst cornerback in NFL history. I'm pulling these figures out of my ass, but he had more pass interference or defensive holding calls per ball thrown to him than any player in NFL history. Can you remember any other corner so bad that quarterbacks would routinely pick on him? As in "Okay, third and long, let's see who Carroll is on, throw the ball downfield, and wait for the laundry to hit the field" routinely? And it got to the point that we expected him to fail.

Barbre, and to the same extent the rest of the line, has reached that point. Everyone loved the Packers this pre-season, myself included. I had my reservations, but I was confident that a new 3-4 defense would have to be an improvement over last year's debacle, and that there was no way we could drop another seven four-point-or-closer games. What I didn't bank on was the offensive line. We've given up ten sacks in two games. That's sub-Detroit levels.

(And for those of you waiting for me to rip on the defense... well... it's not coming. Our defense is what it is--a slow defensive line, an all-star corps of linebackers, and pick-happy-but-burn-happy corners. We're a team that was made to play a hyper-aggressive style. Maybe we'll rattle the opposing QB, force a ton of turnovers, and look awesome. Maybe he'll stand tall, our corners will get burned trying to jump routes, and our linebackers will miss tackles going for the big hit and the fumble. That's life. I'm a fan of this style, if only because we should have a good enough offensive to combat it--we can give up 20+ points consistently, but as long as we force a few turnovers our offense will be able to pull it out. We should, but if I'm expecting "sack" every time Rodgers drops back to pass, it's not gonna work out that way.

Now, on to our feature presentation. The Ahmad Carroll All-Stars. Here are the qualifications:
-When the player is prominently involved in the play, you have to be thinking "Oh shit--they're gonna blow it hardcore." No exceptions. If you can have any confidence in them whatsoever, they're off the list. That's where post-contract-extension Antonio Freeman falls off--as many passes as he dropped, as many routes as he broke off early, as many times as he stood and watched as a defender jumped the pass, he was always a threat. Proof here.

(Did watching that clip make you feel better? It made me feel better.)

-The player has to be absolutely, unequivocally out of his league. Crappy players playing on pointless teams--I'm talking about you, Dan Orlovsky--don't count. Ryan Leaf counts, if only because his massive salary and ego destined him and the Chargers to eternal suckitude as long as he ran the show. The player in question has to take a somewhat promising product and completely ruin it. Think of it as the difference between Jessica Alba (or even Mila Kunis) disfiguring her face in a car wreck, or Rosie O'Donnell disfiguring her face in a car wreck.

(Completely unrelated subject, but after that play last year, how can Orlovsky possibly have an awareness rating of 68 in this year's Madden? Doesn't running out of your own end zone automatically relegate you below a 30? Isn't that the kind of thing that gets you yanked in a pee-wee game? Is it possible to have a negative awareness rating and, if so, why wasn't Orlovsky given one? I feel like these questions need to be answered, and they need to be answered now.)

-If we're talking about a team sport, the player has to be so bad as to alter the other team's game plan to account for their crappiness. Like how opposing quarterbacks always used Carroll as a get-out-of-third-and-long-free card, or how both the Bears and Bengals stopped blitzing the right side of the line the past two weeks, knowing that their DE would be getting enormous pressure without the added man or two, and they would have more people in coverage.

-Again, because it's that important, they have to absolutely kill the confidence of an otherwise-frisky fan base. There will be a number of baseball closers on the list exactly for this reason--how many Indians fans cringed every time Joe Borowski came in from the bullpen? How many Phillies fans, who otherwise should be 100% confident of a World Series repeat, are terrified at the thought of Brad Lidge on the road protecting a one-run lead and looking like he just sharted himself?

(Brewer fans, don't despair. Curtis Leskanic was one of the first inductees onto the team. I thought of him within five minutes of conceiving the idea.)

Those are the big ones I can think of right now. If any of you guys have any further ideas, feel free to share them in the comments. This is gonna be a very feedback-oriented post, so don't be shy.

Also, while you're sharing those ideas, feel free to share some players who come to mind for the team as well. I'm going to be very Wisconsin-centric for this one for the most part, so feel free to provide your own local examples.

Next Up: Part II of the Ahmad Carroll All-Stars--The players who fit the mold