Tiger caught pulling his wood out of the bag at the wrong time

In case you've been stuck in a cave the past week and missed it: Tiger Woods cheated on his supermodel wife with the mannish looking chick from this last season of Tool Academy.

A few brief thoughts first:
-My girlfriend upon reading about the news: "That's the one whose boyfriend on the show had his other girlfriend of 7 years make a surprise appearance--and he picked the other girl over her!" So this girl got screwed over by a cheating boyfriend, and remains currently very willing to help another man cheat on his wife. I'll let you interpret what this says about most women in our society.
-Tiger's "I'm sorry for this indiscretion, but I'm not going to detail what said indiscretion is" semi-apology sounded awfully familiar. Are we sure Jason Giambi isn't heading up his PR team?
-Apparently Tiger's phone wasn't password-protected, and he left voicemails on his phone, which Mrs. Tiger was easily able to access. To me, this is huge: because it suggests that he's never done this before. The first rule of lying is "cover your ass at all points." There is a reason I don't cheat, and it's because I would not be any good at it. I'm a big-picture person, and covering up indiscretions is all about the details. But we've known Tiger as a public for well over a decade, and he's a fairly smart fella. If he'd done this before, he would've either made the same mistake (and gotten caught, and learned his lesson from it, and not done it again) or taken care of things earlier (and not gotten caught).

Now, there are a lot of people asking why the hell he would do this. Why would he risk his career, his endorsements, and his family? Why would he do something so risky? And the question most men are asking: why in the hell would he abandon one of the hottest women alive for something that looks like it might have, at one point, had a disco stick?

(Note: I'm not implying that she is a tranny, in any way. Just saying that she looks like it. Back to the point.)

A trending topic on Twitter today is #whymencheat. Here's the simple answer: because they are unhappy.

They might be unhappy with themselves, which is the main reason: if you are an insecure fuck who hates himself when you're single, you will be an insecure fuck who hates himself with a hot piece of arm candy. So you keep searching for someone to break the cycle, to make you a self-confident fuck who loves himself.

In Tiger's case, though, I don't think this was it. I think he's the other unhappy: the kind who is unhappy with his wife. Yes, Elin Nordegren is one of the hottest women alive. But physical beauty alone isn't enough to make a 6-year-long marriage stay happy. And Elin never gave off the vibe that she gave two shits about Tiger's happiness.

Like most gorgeous women, she didn't want an equal, a partner: she wanted a sugar daddy. She loved his money. She loved the attention that marriage to him brought. She loved being able to hug him in front of the TV cameras after he won a tournament. Being with him was never enough, and it showed. Look at pictures: she smiles when he wins, when she knows the camera is watching, and probably when they're shopping. Candid shots, she's not smiling. Because it's not HIM that makes her happy--it's what he can do for HER.

And, as stated before, Tiger is fairly smart, and fairly perceptive. As confusing an emotion as love is, when someone does not love you, you know it. Especially after six years.

I don't think theirs is a happy marriage. To be honest, I don't think it will last. And if it does, I don't think this will be the last we hear of something like this.

To summarize: men cheat because they are unhappy. A happy man does not need the risk of getting caught. Even if it's a small risk. An unhappy man sees the chance to be happy, the upside of which overwhelms the risk assumed if you are caught. And every indication shows that Tiger Woods was not happy.